It is weird to start writing a blogpost and naming it "Eleven Weeks", randomly, after almost a year of inactivity on the posting-frontier. Still, this headline is the starting point to my post. Ramadan 2014 begins in more or less 11 weeks and it is time for me to look back and evaluate what has happened since August 2013. What has happened, changed, turned better or worse?
Looking back at that time the first thought that comes to my mind is that everything and no less has changed.
Looking back at that time the first thought that comes to my mind is that everything and no less has changed.
art
I will begin with the most obvious experience. I started my first year in University, studying what I have been dreaming of as long as I remember: art. Such a small word by the way; art. Ironically this seems to be excactly what I dicovered during the past year. Just the plain subject or term "art" does not really guarantee anything. And still it creeps into your consciousness, while working, making research, painting. And what used to come out naturally, almost effortlessly doesn't even consider to make it's way out, intimidated by the huge expectations it has to face. With other words, the real challenge of my studies until now has been to try to focus on what is relevant for me personally and to exclude and ignore any own/foreign expectations towards my artistic work. And to put it even simpler: It was a hell of a struggle. (For my German speaking readers: ein-fremdwoerterbuch: Competition 50)
home
The second thing that changed was that i moved to another city. Although most of the time I have been thankful of having that refuge (click here for previous post about home/lessness) it has been very interesting from time to time. Not that I thought it would be easy! But the problems that I soon had to face weren't quite the ones I had imagined for myself. The Top 3 are possibly:
- Living in a shared flat with a vietnamese girl, many chinese girls and an invisible finnish girl in a chaotic mix of bunches of black hair floating on the floor, a cable-anarchy of a wide variety of ricecookers in the kitchen, spilled sweet chili sauce on the table/stove/floor/sink/cardboard/microwave, warmcoloured kitchen lightbulbs (or lightbubbles) being steadily replaced by very effective blue ones and finally a very comfortable temperature of 30 °C companioned by a humidity of 75% and a flavour of fried bacon in the air (for a Muslim this represents Hell. Or djahannam)
- Despite everything described above - the feeling of loneliness; that lures somewhere hidden most of the time and hits when you expect it the least. Nothing makes you feel more isolated than the spontanous experience of loneliness. When your best friends are visiting their relatives in other cities or countries and you're staying in town over the weekend. Or you're calling home and nobody answers because everyone's gone out and calling a mobilephone is just too expensive. Or you don't really know your local umma and you miss your hometowns mosque.
- Cold winters + weird/missing public transportation. You would like to go out, visit the city, meet your friend after school, have long walks on the seashore, make it to an appointment on time etc. but you won't.
love
The biggest change, and that is a change that I welcomed sincerely and fullheartedly, accepting it's short- and longterm consecuences with pleasure, that was finding love. Too corny for you? I don't care! Fact is that I thank Allah every day for answering my prayers and introducing me to a person that I wish to spend the rest of my life with. A person that I love and that loves me. Alhamdulillahi rabbi l'alamiin. May Allah bless our bond.
“And of His signs is that He created for you partners from amongst yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them and He has placed between you affection and mercy.” (30.21)
“And of His signs is that He created for you partners from amongst yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them and He has placed between you affection and mercy.” (30.21)
faith
Now I have arrived at the most important subject. Faith. Islam. I think everything that I have described above is somehow having an effect on my faith. Challenges of life are allways mirrored in our faith, our craving for a meaning in life, our desires.
I think this year has showed me the mercy and love that Allah has for us humans and made me, at least for a while, humble in front of all those blessings. It has strenghtened my iman and made me understand what Islam means.
I think this year has showed me the mercy and love that Allah has for us humans and made me, at least for a while, humble in front of all those blessings. It has strenghtened my iman and made me understand what Islam means.
I know that there is a lot, and by that I mean a lot, that I could have done better. Starting from fard deeds to sunnah ones. The biggest problem I still see in myself is the lack of discipline and capability to prioritize. On the other hand I have learned many things. Starting from (re)acting in a new environment, facing new situations and obstacles with confidence and trying to be faithful to myself and my beliefs. But alhamdulillah that we have Ramadan coming up so we can prep and struggle for our faith and find motivate ourselves for a better life! And I am so much up to the 11 weeks to Ramadan challenge! But that is the subject of my next post ;)
May Allah accept our good deeds and forgive us our transgressions and sins, Amin.
